First Blog!

So I decided that I would follow the trend and create a blog to document my lapband journey.

I'm 26 years old and I live in Florida. I was pretty active as a child. I lived in The Netherlands for a good portion of my childhood. There were only a couple TV stations in English, so I didn't spend much time in front of the T.V. We lived in a really cool neighborhood, so most of my time was spent outdoors. I was really big into rollerblading until I was about 16 years old. That's about where my depression started getting really bad. I stopped doing anything active (which included rollerblading, figure skating, tennis, etc...) and turned to food for comfort. 10 years later, here I am, at 260lbs. I had started gaining weight previous to age 16, but nothing major. I believe I was a size 11/13 (12/14 in women's) when I was 16. Now, I'm what.... 22/24? That's just insane.

I heard about the lapband a couple years ago. I was at an estate sale and a young woman (who was selling the items) started talking to me about how SHE had the lapband done recently and lost X amount of weight. I read a little after that, but I don't think insurance was really covering it at the time and I didn't like the idea of food getting stuck and having to throw it up. Plus, I don't think I met the BMI requirements at the time.

Over the years, I've tried many different weight loss plans. Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers. The one I stuck with most often was simply calorie counting and exercise. In 2006 I lost about 30lbs and was down to about 210lbs. I bought new clothes, was feeling great/confident, started hanging around with more people, got more attention, etc... Then something snapped, I freaked out, and started to binge. I ended up gaining 30lbs in 3 months.

But anyway... I was also on a study trial for a weight loss drug called Lorcaserin. It was a double-blind study, though, and I'm pretty sure I had the placebo. It was supposed to work like Fen-Phen, but without the nasty side effects (damage to heart, etc..). I dropped out after 6 months, due to appointments conflicting with my work schedule at a crucial time.

So a couple months ago my mom reintroduced the idea of the lapband to me. So then I looked into it more, found lapbandtalk.com, and decided it fit for me. Thus far I went to the seminar on May 28th, 2009. I met with the surgeon this past Monday (6/15). I see the psychologist this coming Monday (June 22nd), the nutritionist on Thursday (June 25th), then I meet with my endocrinologist (need him to write a letter of medical necessity) on June 30th. I wish I could get an earlier appointment, but... hopefully it'll all work out for the best!

So why do I want to lose weight?

#1 - To be healthy. I have PCOS, plus I'm borderline diabetic, and have borderline high cholesterol. I don't want to get old and have 1,000 different medical conditions, problems, aches and pains.

#2 - To be active again. Because I gained weight during a period where I had no energy/motivation for physical activity, it has become extremely hard to be active. I want to do the things that I used to do - rollerblade, figure skate, play tennis. Plus I want to kayak, sky dive, hike, swim, and all the things I've avoided doing (or haven't been able to do) because of my weight. I want to be able to walk a distance and not feel out of breath and embarrassed. I want to be able to run and possibly run in marathons. Or ride a bike.

#3 - To feel good about myself. I constantly think about how others perceive and judge me based on my weight. While I have very few experiences with rude/nasty people, I just don't feel ok with myself. I feel ashamed and guilty that I let myself get this way. For many years I didn't care about my life and wanted to die. I didn't think or consider that it would change. Well, it did. Now I feel like I'm missing out on so much that I want/desire because of it. When I gain weight, I push away all relationships. I refuse to have friends or to see old friends because I don't want them to see me like this. I don't even want to see me like this! So I want to feel good about myself and how I look. I don't imagine that I'll ever weigh 115lbs, of course, but I know there's a point where I'll be happy and comfortable.